Wednesday, September 28, 2011

First Day

I've never really had a blog before. Most of the people here are probably from PrettyThin. So, hi!
If you want, post your blog addresses in the comments.

Anyways, today was...confusing in a way. I keep thinking I'm better, or at least trying, but those ED related thoughts keep popping into my head. And I love the fact that my parents are pretending that nothing really happened. It's like I never told them I starve myself on a regular basis (and sometimes purge). But, the only annoying thing that happens is my mom keeps asking me what I ate for the day, even though she packs my lunch. I asked her about it, and she said that she was "making sure I don't get weird about food again."

...when did I stop getting weird about food? I never ceased having those thoughts. My mother said outright that she didn't believe I had an eating disorder. Yet she interrogates me every day when I get home. What did you eat today? For breakfast? Lunch? Are you hungry now?
She cares, yet she doesn't care. I mean, she cares enough to ask about what I eat, but she's not asking the important questions. Like what I'm thinking. Just because I eat a burger doesn't mean I don't want to throw up immediately. And that irritates me on so many levels. Why even bother if you're not going to look into anything?

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